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Should you confess to cheating after a one night stand? Show more Show less
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One night stands are one-off, sexual encounters free from emotional intimacy. But do they count as cheating? And should you tell your partner if you have had a one night stand while in a relationship with them?

No, keep it to yourself Show more Show less

Had a one night stand and want to keep your relationship? Your problem, you deal with it.
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Confessing is selfish

Confession comes from a place of guilt. It may make the person who cheated feel better to own up to a one night stand. But it's selfish to put the pain and burden of your bad decisions onto your partner, especially if the act of infidelity was a one-off.
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The Argument

Some marriage counselors and sex therapists feel confessing to infidelities is selfish. If the sexual betrayal is finished and you don't intend to do it again, you should keep your guilt to yourself and protect your partner from unnecessary pain.[1] If your one night stand was fuelled by alcohol and you can barely remember what happened, you should refrain from telling your partner. Confessing can cause your partner more harm than good. Instead, it is best to work on yourself. If alcohol was involved, you should commit to changing your drinking behaviours so that it doesn't happen again.[2] Cheating can also be a wake-up call that something else is wrong in your relationship. If you want to stay in the relationship and don't want to confess to cheating. Figuring out why you strayed in the first place and which of your needs may not be met can create the opportunity to repair and strengthen your relationship. Seeing a couple's therapists can help with working through deeper-rooted relationship issues.[3]

Counter arguments

It's best to come clean if your partner has suspicions you have cheated and asks you directly. While it's not easy to hear your partner has cheated, lies and cover-ups make things worse. Honesty can prevent your partner from feeling additional pain.[4]

Proponents

Premises

Rejecting the premises

References

  1. https://www.you.co.uk/when-to-tell-your-partner-youve-cheated/
  2. https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/cheating-relationships-boyfriend-girlfriend-reveal-partner-secret-therapy-a8620536.html
  3. https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/cheating-on-partner-relationship
  4. https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/cheating-relationships-boyfriend-girlfriend-reveal-partner-secret-therapy-a8620536.html
This page was last edited on Wednesday, 11 Nov 2020 at 19:09 UTC

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