Women especially are often said to have an innate maternal instinct that guides us to care for our newborns. However, the idea of the maternal instinct is a myth. Used as a tool by the patriarchy to control women by keeping them in the domestic sphere and guilt-trip them those who perhaps have less than the ideal level of attachment to their newborn. There is however a distinction between maternal instinct and maternal drive. Maternal drive is a biological component of our DNA, designed to keep the human race growing. Despite this not every women experiences 'broodiness' and the desire to have children. This is as the hormonal changes that drive it can be exhibited in different ways, such as looking after schoolchildren as a teacher. Therefore the maternal instinct and drive are perhaps better described as a 'caring instinct'. This isn't limited to women.

**If all women truly had an innate maternal instinct, they should be trusted to know what is best for their bodies and their children** Due to patriarchal standards, women are frequently made to feel that they cannot adequately care for themselves or their children. In many circumstances, men claim to know better. And yet, in cases where women seek to terminate pregnancies or advocate for family planning services, the ultimate fallacy is then proclaimed - women are inherently maternal! How can both these things both be true? The answer, of course, is that they can't. There are many reasons why arguing that women all share a 'maternal instinct' is flawed: • Women who become mothers to children they did not biologically conceive or give birth to are made to feel inferior, [despite providing the same love and care as biological mothers](https://www.healthline.com/health/parenting/maternal-instinct#definition) • The existence of women who do not want and never have children [disproves the idea of a female maternal instinct](https://medium.com/@jenniferneal_39017/the-maternal-instinct-is-a-myth-and-weve-got-the-science-to-prove-it-de435786adbf • [Parenthood is a learnt skill rather than an innate knowledge](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/2020/05/9803429/what-is-maternal-instinct) - there is no one way to be a mother If women are to be given the responsibility of 'maternal instinct', then they can also be trusted to know when they would rather not receive it.

**This so-called maternal instinct that as soon as your baby arrives you’ll ‘just know” what to do is a myth, and perpetuates patriarchal values to keep women in their place.** • Parenting skills are not necessarily instinctual or generic, they are learned through practice and experience. • The idea that women have a maternal instinct also places the parenting burden on mothers as this social myth claims only mothers are expected to feel guilty about any shortcomings in their childcare. • It perpetuates the societal stereotype that women belong in the domestic sphere as mothers and homemakers, and men in the public sphere as the breadwinner. • Also, parenting is open to both sexes and so men should not be excluded from this process because society asserts that only women have a natural maternal instinct and drive. • As [Darcy Lockman](https://nypost.com/2019/06/26/maternal-instinct-is-a-big-lie-used-to-keep-women-in-their-place-psychologist/), a psychologist and author, states “It’s the love part that is innate, and fathers love their children as deeply as mothers”.

They do, at least as a standard they do. When my son was born I was in so much denial that I didn’t love him at first, I just felt like I’d wake up and life would be normal. But as soon as I saw him I had this strong urge to look after him and protect him, the love came later after a difficult start.