**tl;dr. Public marriage proposals ruin the intimacy of the question unless the venue holds sentimental value. They create a high-pressure environment that signals insecurity about their relationship and its future. It obliges an acceptance of the proposal even if that is not what they want. It creates unnecessary shame and tension between the onlookers and the couple if the proposal is rejected.** Public proposals are getting outdated for several reasons. They rarely yield good results. One of the major problems with public proposals is the lack of intimacy. Unless this public venue holds significant sentimental value, the proposal just becomes a spectacle. It becomes a source of entertainment for onlookers instead of a private, intimate moment between the partners. Public proposals also create an environment of high pressure. Marrying someone is a lifelong commitment, and it should not be made in a high-pressure environment. One user on Reddit said, [“When you're recovering from crippling social anxiety and your boyfriend proposes to you at the Trevi Fountain surrounded by applauding people, it makes you question how well he knows you.”](https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/f377cb3e-708a-4fef-83e5-47ffc1ac5cb2) There are too many distractions to think through this question properly. If, overcoming all these obstacles, the person decides to reject the proposal, things get very awkward. [The spectators suffer from second-hand embarrassment, and the person proposing will obviously be disheartened.](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/why-public-proposals-are-_b_1161357#:~:text=Frankly%2C%20it's%20just%20fraught%20with,on%20websites%20like%20this%20one.) The person rejecting the proposal will probably carry that guilt around for a very long time. Public proposals create an obligation to say yes, which can lead to problems in the relationship. There is no shame in saying no to a proposal, but when everyone is smiling and cheering, it can create this sense of wrongdoing if they choose to reject the proposal. There is little room for the relationship to recover after a proposal is rejected. This happened in public, so the rejection was a spectacle. The proposer will feel ashamed, embarrassed, and rejected by the person they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with. The ‘proposee’ will also feel the same emotions and maybe resentful or even overly apologetic. Moreover, [surveys consistently](https://www.theknot.com/content/wedding-proposals-5-biggest-proposal-mistakes?irclickid=yQC1CA18%3AxyLUaswUx0Mo3QBUkEXBJygNStQ2I0&utm_source=impact&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_term=10078&utm_campaign=Skimbit%20Ltd.-thecut.com&utm_content=865934&irgwc=1) find that [over 80% of people](https://www.luvze.com/ideal-and-actual-marriage-proposals-we-asked-you-answered/) prefer intimate proposals. [Lisa Hoplock is a postdoctoral fellow at the University of Manitoba,](https://www.uvic.ca/socialsciences/home/home/news/archive/2015/LisaHoplock-Jan29.php) Although she admits wedding proposals have been the subject of very few research studies, those that do indicate towards insecurity. If the person proposing is insecure about the person’s answer, a public environment is more likely to elicit a much-awaited ‘yes’ from their partner. All things considered, public proposals turn something intimate into a public spectacle, which can very easily turn into rejections.

**Public proposals are to be avoided** Grand acts of romance are a pop culture staple. With the advent of widely used social media, complex intimate relationships can be made highly visible to an incredibly wide audience in a way previously seen mostly in fiction. Declarations and exhibitions of love; milestones, passions and feuds may now be laid bare for hundreds of people. [Public proposals](https://www.theguardian.com/science/brain-flapping/2016/aug/16/public-proposals-true-romance-or-unwarranted-coercion-olympic-podium-proposal) are a real world reflection of this: they create an audience for the engagement and the relationship; sometimes without the consent of that audience and usually without the consent of the hypothetical fiancée. Embarrassment may abound- and the threat of that embarrassment may prove to be unintentionally coercive. As public as these experiences are, it’s impossible to truly understand the mechanics of another couples’ relationship. Our perception of it might be tainted by the abundance of ‘viral’ videos of proposals going excruciatingly, mortifyingly wrong. Terrible misjudgements and absolutely nuclear embarrassment are much harder to forget than easy; tender demonstrations of love by one partner knowing the other deeply enough to be sure that they’d love it and not subsequently dunk on them in a public setting. Perhaps sometimes, it’s a good thing. It’s a risk: maybe the fact that your partner was willing to take it speaks volumes to you about their commitment to and love for you. Maybe you love sweeping, romantic gestures. But what a risk! A proposal might be a surprise, but marriage never should be.

OH. Public MARRIAGE proposals. I'dve clicked in here earlier if I knew that's what this was about. Yeah, honestly, I don't really believe in spontaneous proposals at all. Ambushing your partner with one of the biggest decisions they'll ever make in their life is dangerous, no matter how confident you feel that you're on the same page. Be smart. Talk it out.