**suffering is just pain, the character building comes from within.** this is often a line used by abusers to make their victims feel as though the abuse was a favour. it can be internalised by victims who later repeat it after hearing it all their lives. it is seen as a silver lining that they endured so much and seemingly got stronger as a result. in reality, no one deserves to suffer needlessly. trauma doesn't make you good, you were always good. it just causes pain. [no one should have to go through any unpleasant, distasteful activities in the first place.](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MiseryBuildsCharacter) everyone is different, so sometimes it actually destroys your character. how a person copes with suffering depends on their [temperament and resilience factors.](https://www.google.com/amp/s/psychwriter.com.au/2017/07/25/childhood-trauma-and-its-impact-on-your-character/amp/) different personalities will perceive and react according to their own nature, and some people handle stress well while others don't. suffering can break your character and leave you with only [counter-intuitive responses](https://www.google.com/amp/s/psychwriter.com.au/2017/07/25/childhood-trauma-and-its-impact-on-your-character/amp/) to future suffering. the trauma responses people develop don't exist in a vaccum and can stick with you, some maybe even after therapy. many of us are led to believe this due to media we consume. when the trope is done right, it can prove that [someone can grow and mature once they've suffered enough to move themselves in a more positive direction.](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MiseryBuildsCharacter) this puts a spin on the narrative that abusive people help you grow rather than diminish your soul. it empowers people to believe that **they** can build themselves up after being beaten down. in this instance, yes suffering can build character but that's because you choose to build yourself up. healing is messy and you do not need to forgive or forget, but choosing to never become the person who hurt you and embarking on a journey of recovery is a chance at rebuilding the life that was stolen from you. the pain doesn't make you stronger, being brave enough to rediscover your strength in the aftermath of it does.

**Yes, but this depends on the extent of suffering…** I agree that suffering builds character because suffering can change you in ways that you could never have imagines. Suffering often makes you a stronger and more empathetic person with more life experience that builds character. **HOWEVER** This is relative to my own personal experience and there are obviously experiences of suffering that are far worse and far more severe. Some experiences of suffering are so that it would be insensitive to reduce to as merely ‘character building’.