Lab
See how this opinion breaks down by gender, political spectrum and generation — and who shares your view.
Gender
9 comments
Growing up I always knew I would be an amazing mom. I have worked with kids for years and they always seem to love me. But this world is overpopulated, and there are many kids in this world without families. I believe that when a couple decides not to have kids that they shouldn’t be frowned on. Or when a young woman says that she doesn’t want them or doesn’t know, people shouldn't be trying to change her mind. As a young woman, this is incredibly infuriating. We don’t need or want other people telling us that we will change our mind later in life.
Is it such a terrible thing that a young couple wants to focus on themselves and not raising a child? Or that their hard-earned money is spent on themselves and things they want to do rather than spending it on raising a child? A lot of people see someone as being successful when they see they own a house and have kids and can still have fun. But is having kids really a step in being successful? Or living a fulfilling life? It shouldn’t have to be.
To make this opinion more clear, I am not saying people shouldn’t have kids.
I am just saying young couples and women shouldn’t be held to the standard that they NEED to have kids.
Totally agree with your sentiment here, but wonder whether it's appropriate to the title of the Opinion?
Feel you're arguing not that having kids is overrated, but that social pressures to have kids are misguided?
No it isn't overrated.
It is a joy and a privilege to have the care of a tiny human who will amaze you daily. Who will scare you frequently and worry you in so many stages of their lives.
It is a lifelong commitment but one of such love that has no equal.
I feel great sadness for those who would wish to have them but are unable to.
That said if a choice is made not to have children then that is perfectly right and proper too.
Certainly not overrated I cannot imagine my life without them
TL; DR – Having kids is not a decision that it to be taken lightly in the least. In fact, it is both a tremendous and humbling responsibility. Particularly when taking into account factors such as the financial implications and overpopulation. However, kids represent more than just factors such as these and should in fact not be considered as overrated in any given scenario.
It's often the case, especially from family members, that one is expected to have kids at some point in life. One of the main reasons for this is because it (procreation) is considered to be natural – a natural way of life.
Interestingly, Candice Z. and Steve Watters (2009) points out that there has been a shift from the more “traditional” view of having kids – and what they are considered to represent today. Couples are exposed to and have access to more sources of information today (than before). Consequently, this "new" or "extra" information not only informs them but also now re-shapes and redefines their perception and decision-making when it comes to having kids. Leading them to asking questions such as: Why should we have children?
As a result of this, Candice and Steve provide us with four very good reasons of why I believe kids are not to be considered overrated – irrespective of whether one decides to start a family or not.
The first reason kids are not overrated is because they are ultimately our wealth. While there is no doubt about that fact that it’s extremely costly to be raising kids, no amount of money you put in can ever equate to what you get out – in terms of the amount of love, time and energy spent investing in one's kids over the years. Or has Candice and Steve put it, “Unlike many of the depreciating assets people take on, babies are a source of wealth, delivering a return on investment that is beyond measure. No cost/benefit analysis can capture the true value of a new little person. Children are truly priceless.”
The second reason kids are not overrated is because they add meaning and goodness to life. In having children, we are given the chance to view the world through their eyes and also in a way “relive” a part of our childhood. Candice and Steve point out something very profound when they say that, “…new life continues to offer the wonder and goodness that often eludes us. It gives us a chance to see the world through fresh eyes – restoring the magic and innocence that tend to fade with age. It teaches us more about the “life of love” that God calls us to as His “dearly loved children” (Ephesians 5:1-2). And it gives mere mortals an opportunity to touch the divine – to participate with God in making a new creation in His image.”
The third reason they are not overrated is because they shape our souls. As we make the decision and decide to embark on having children, both the child and the parent(s) mature – grows and changes. Candice and Steve confirm this when they point out that, “...it’s when committing to the needs of a new life that couples are stretched into greater maturity. Children shape our souls like few other things in life, conditioning us to be more other-centered and to take a longer view of life. The demands of children that frighten so many would-be parents are in fact a crucible that can bring out the person God designed them to be.”
And the fourth and final reason they are not overrated is because they are a continuous source of hope. While there are so many negative things happening in the world some people often worry if or when is it the "right time" to have kids. Although, it should be noted that just as there are negative elements out there in the world, there are also positive elements. Moreover, Candice and Steve make a very good point when they remind us that, “…fear and anxiety are natural emotions for would-be parents, the choice to be fruitful is an enduring and courageous encounter with hope.”
So you see, it's important to remember that we were all kids once upon a time. We were all kids before we became adults. Even now, as an adult we are all still kids – somebody is always someone's kid. Or as Edna St. Vincent Millay said: "Childhood is not from birth to a certain age and at a certain age. The child is grown, and puts away childish things. Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies.”
Consequently, in my very personal opinion, no, kids are never to be considered as overrated.
For me the positive aspect is that, for a great percentage of the population, there is now choice.
In an ideal world every child should be wanted by the parents, not created to fulfill anybody else's expectation.
tl;dr: Children can make you lose your sense of individuality. They can also replace your goals and dreams. But, children can heal and soothe. They make the future a better and safer place for the world.
Children create chaos. Once you are a parent, you are always a parent. They corrode your sense of individuality. They demand sacrifices and attention. You can only hope they will love you the same way you love them. They are also a cause of constant worry. Y
You can love someone the same way as your child. There is no need to have a child when you can love your friends and family in the same unconditional manner. Children do not have a monopoly on the purity of love.
Still, children bring joy. They bring hope for a better generation. They give you a chance to protect them. Many children with abusive parents (emotional, physical, negligence) want to have kids. They want to give another child the life they never had.
Children are the true essence of innocence. They can perform acts of kindness that mankind is quickly losing. Having children can help you make the future safer for the world. Teaching them your culture and language can help preserve forms of expression. Teaching them kindness can help make the world a better place.
Having children can be healing or destructive. Children can mess up our five-year plans. But they can provide hope and comfort.
TL;DR: Rating having children is difficult because there is no universal cost-benefit to measure it against.
Subjective experiences are very hard to rate.
There are evidenced arguments for the benefits and drawbacks of having children- collectively or individually- but the weighing of these factors is entirely down to the individual's priorities, needs and wants. According to one 2020 YouGov study the three top cited reasons for not wanting children were age; impact on lifestyle and the cost of child raising. (1) As of 2016 the total cost to raise a child to 21 came to £230,000 (2): which is for many more than enough reason to decide not to have children (very reasonably so). For others, it's worth the financial and lifestyle sacrifices (also entirely fair).
A pressing issue is whether or not societal expectations surrounding the issue eclipse those evidenced arguments in a way that prevents people from making fully informed decisions. It is difficult to produce a universal rating by comparing experiences. However, giving prospective parents information unfiltered by assumption could allow them to try to understand whether it would be overrated in relation to their personal expectations.
Then again, when does having children ever turn out quite the way it was expected to?
1.https://yougov.co.uk/topics/education/articles-reports/2020/01/09/why-are-britons-choosing-not-have-children
2.https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/feb/16/cost-of-raising-children-in-uk-higher-than-ever
I can see how one would have a mixed opinion on this.
I mean, while I am clearly against kids being being viewed as overrated in any given scenario, it doesn't stop me from understanding where you're coming from.
Especially since you mentioned that this can be viewed as a subjective experience. Certainly, for each individual there are both advantages and disadvantages to take into consideration where having kids are concerned.
However, it's good to be aware that the factors that we tend to mention in relation to considering kids as overrated are mostly external ones - not usually directly related to or coming from the child him or herself.
What I mean is, while we need to take into account the practical considerations of everyday life (e.g. cost of raising a child), we need to be careful not to let this way of thinking lead us to becoming jaded.
So while I can respect your mixed point of view (you've mentioned some good points here), I will never be able to think of any child as being overrated - no matter how difficult or annoying they can be at times.
I have a mixed opinion about this. Having kids is not overrated because it´s a beautiful process, and it makes your life give a total change. I just think that it´s a happy announcement in most situations, and couples are very excited about it.
On the other hand, the pressure for having kids nowadays still exists. Society has determined points we should follow which are wrong: Getting married, having kids or even go to university. This is false because, as free humans, we should feel free to make decisions and not be judged about it, but there´s a long road ahead.
Make the case or invite a friend to comment!