**TL;DR - Men should not have to pay on a first day. The expectation of men paying on the first date reinforces gender roles and is sexist.** Firstly, social scientists have named chivalry and chivalrous behaviour such as men paying for dinner as [benevolent sexism](https://www.forbes.com/sites/kimelsesser/2020/02/12/who-should-pay-for-dates-how-chivalry-contributes-to-the-gender-pay-gap/?sh=6d69556e3fa3). Benevolent sexism is the idea that women should be cherished and adored, alongside the notion of women needing to be protected by men as they are not capable of protecting themselves. This reinforces stereotypes that women are fragile and weak, therefore needing a man's help and protection. In terms of the man paying for the meal, his reinforces the idea that women can not provide for themselves and therefore need the man as the provider and protector. This also results in women being seen as a prize to be purchased. Secondly, men paying for the first date reinforces the stereotypes of who is considered a man. The idea that men have to pay on the first date reinforces the idea of masculinity and the [male protector](https://medium.com/@samiamounts/the-sexist-first-date-ritual-too-many-women-participate-in-e51508dfc1d4). If a man is unable to do this, they are not seen as a man as they are not fulfilling their role. In a survey on love and finances conducted by [Money and SurveyMonkey](https://money.com/valentines-day-men-pay-first-date/), a whopping 78% of respondents said they think men should pay for the first date. And, perhaps surprisingly, men (85%) were even more likely than women (72%) to think that men should foot the bill. This displays how women and men reinforce these gender stereotypes of a man and a woman.

I disagree because if we expect men to pay on the first date, we are just showing men's superiority over women. Thinking that men should pay on the first date is sexist, basically because we take for granted that the men's economic status is superior to the women, which is foolishness. If I got out for a date, I would not be offended if the men don't pay, but otherwise. I'm not saying it's a bad thing to do because if I feel comfortable enough with that person and he decides to invite me, the decision is on my roof. I can say yes or no, but taking for granted what he's going to do, it's the current mistake.

**Men should not be expected to pay on the first date** More specifically, gender should not be a factor in deciding who pays for what on the first date or at any point in the relationship. A similar and less frequently heard of late assertion is that men should pay for condoms. There are other forms of contraception available to women specifically- e.g. IUDs, the pill, injections- but barrier methods are the only way to protect against STIs, and the reproductive agency of both parties needs to be respected when it comes to their purchase and use. Gender should not be an obstacle and to make it so reinforces outdated perspectives on gender. In the same (and arguably less immediately dangerous) way, insistence that men pay for the first date is a reflection of the belief that women are to be taken care of, protected, or that they need things to be done for them because of their gender. One partner paying because they want to pay and one paying because it is expected of them as a man are two different things. It's important to note that this perspective isn't just harmful to women. It reinforces the idea that there are defined, different roles men and women must fill. Though it isn't an outright act of hostile sexism, the act and the attitude it recalls are helpful to no one.

**TL; DR - Men should not have to pay on the first date because this idea negates equality and reiterates stereotypes about the position of man and woman**. It is definitely surprising how many people think that men should pay on the first date as a courtesy to the woman and as a romantic gesture that would validate the woman. However, men and women should both be expected to pay on the date as women should be treated as equal to men and in no need of chivalric protection from men. As Annabel Murphy argues, it is 'sometimes easier to label the man as the one who pays because that's how we see romance portrayed in the media, and that's how society functioned in the olden days: men earned the money and paid for his lady. Things have obviously changed. So let's get with the times' ( [The Tab](https://thetab.com/uk/2017/08/09/why-men-shouldnt-actually-have-to-pay-on-a-first-date-45030) ). This is an important message because women are perfectly capable of doing any job and paying for meals and dates themselves. It is also an important message because always paying on the first date lays an unnecessary burden on men as well since many of them think that this is something they are expected to do. Katie Timms gives the example of a 'woman on Channel 4's First Dates be very rude to a man she expected to pay for her date' ( [Plymouth Herald](https://www.plymouthherald.co.uk/news/news-opinion/who-should-pay-first-date-2363440) ). This is something that we need to change and go with the ideas of choice and empowerment on both sides.

**It is strange to go out and have a fun time with someone you supposedly like but then at the end feel a monetary expectation from them. Neither gender should feel under pressure to pay for everything on the first date, because this adds an extra dimension of financial pressure to the date-scape that could lead to resentment if it goes awry** In the situation where person A has madly fallen for person B, but person B does not feel as strongly inclined towards a long-term relationship, if these two people went on a date and person A paid this could cause many issues. For example, B could realise after the date that they are not so keen on A and break it off with them, but because A paid lots of money for the date A now feels angry, sad and is broke. B now also feels really bad because they didn't pay and then broke A's heart, feeling like they wasted A's time and money. Another outcome could be that because B feels so guilty about wasting A's money on the date, that B stays in the relationship for longer than they should, feeling like they owe the other person something. This is not good for either person involved. Both of these scenarios could be avoided if both people split the bill in the first place, meaning no one would feel money-related resentment or relationship pressure and the only gamble is with people's hearts (which is a huge gamble on its own anyway!).

I was just typing: "Men should offer to pay on a first date as basic manners, as a way of saying thank you for the pleasure of company..." when I realised quite how off that sounds. I still think the offer is a kind one though - something like a gift - as long as there's no expectation of anything in return. And I think the same thing goes, if you can afford it, with friends as well as dates.

**TL;DR Letting men pay on the first date can actually be interpreted as a feminist gain**. I personally feel that a woman should always let the man know that they are happy to share the bill, and be willing to as well. This is important for equality. I also feel that if the people on the date are students, or from low income jobs, the bill should definitely be split. I used to always think that splitting the bill on a date was important to ensure gender equality and not have to feel that we are relying on the man. However, many feminist works actually argue that letting the man pay is a feminist act itself. Feminist writers such as Gloria Jean Watkins, discusses about the people who gain the most benefits from the [current structures of society.](https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-46164568) Sadly, we do not yet live in a completely fair society, it is still typically men who are able to flourish the best financially due to some unjust problems that still exist. On average, Canadian women earn C$0.69 for every dollar that a man makes at work. The UK also has a problem with the gender pay gap. In 2020, the mean hourly difference between pay of men and women was £1.65, whereas the [median hourly difference](https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/dit-gender-pay-gap-report-and-data-2019-to-2020/dit-gender-pay-gap-report-2019-to-2020#:~:text=The%202020%20mean%20gender%20pay,hourly%20difference%20is%20%C2%A34.04.) was £4.04. This adds up to be a big difference, especially when both genders will still have the same living expenses etc. On top of this, there is a lot of societal pressure for women to highly maintain their physical appearance, as well as the expectations of women to be more calm, attentive and accommodating than men in all aspects of their lives. These pressures are very costly for women, both physically and emotionally. Unfortunately, gender inequality still very much exists and until it is completely dismantled, I think there are instances where it is polite for men to pay for the first date. This is because the structures of society means that they are probably more likely to be better paid and more financially able. Of course, this is a general assumption. There will be instances where women are more financially secure and so they should definitely share, if not cover the whole bill. It is a question that should not just be minimised to gender, people come from different races, social economic statuses, careers - all these factors should be considered. The man paying for the first date should not be a general approach but rather an individual one. There are instances when it is a polite gesture and acknowledgment for the unfair gender pay gaps that still very much exists.

I don't think men should pay on a first date. I think each party should offer and it should never be an expectation that a man will pay simply by virtue of being a man. Although I think it is always nice for people to offer to pay for you, especially as a gift or treat, I think women have moved beyond this archaic view of what chivalry is and should be. Most women now have the financial autonomy to no longer rely on man - in a dating context or otherwise, and I think we shouldn't hold on to these narrow minded expectations of what men should or shouldn't do on first dates.

People should pay for their own food like grown adults. One of the most toxic things you could do in a relationship is start infusing money debates where none should exist. If going Dutch means "the man is cheap for not paying for me", what does that make YOU, if you are offended that you even have to pay for yourself? The expectation should always be going Dutch. Any expectation that you will be paid for is selfish. If someone offers, it should be seen as neither an expectation nor an insult. It is simply a gift, and you should accept or decline it with grace. I don't know why we treat dating like the rules should suddenly be different from any social interaction. When you go out with friends, nobody assumes one of your friends will pay for all of you, or that you will split the bill. You pay for yourself unless someone else offers.

I disagree with this because you're saying that one gender should have to pay for a meal more so than another gender? That doesn't sound right I think that people should come to an agreement on who pays for the meal without regard to somebody's gender. Maybe you should pay for it to put a good impression on your partner about you?

What happens on a lesbian date lol?

Should? No. Can? Yes.

I think we should always offer and if the date was my idea I always go with the intention of paying for the whole date.