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https://www.parlia.com/o/more-women-should-keep-their-maiden-name-when

14 comments

For
**tl;dr** Women should feel at liberty and even encouraged to keep their maiden name due to the patriarchal nature of taking a husband’s name as well as the potential identity crisis that can be faced socially or professionally. More women should keep their maiden name when marrying because the roots of the practice are utterly patriarchal. Historically, in France, women would have no surname until marriage when they became their husband’s possession. In England, although the focus was more upon religious unity instead of a husband’s power over his wife, taking a different surname would suggest that you were living in sin. The passing of names reflects the marital practice of a woman being passed from her father’s property to her husband’s. Both acts symbolise that women are inferior to men leading to a potential loss of identity. “My name is my identity, and must not be lost” is the motto of the Lucy Stone League, a women’s rights organisation that was founded in 1921 off the premise that women should be allowed to keep their maiden name after marriage and use it legally. In the UK, it wasn’t until 1972 that this fight for maintaining maiden names was won. Women should keep, or at least feel at liberty to keep, their maiden name because a name is central to one’s identity. Once the novelty of a new name starts to wear off, some women begin to question why such a drastic change was made. Giving up a name is almost like abandoning a life or one’s original self. For most women, the new name will sound strange at first, but for some, the new name will sound strange forever leading into a sense of character crisis. A new name isn’t just a modified signature on a legal document, but a complete change in both social and professional identification. With 42% of marriages ending in divorce, there is a high chance that women have to make the painful decision as to whether to revert to their maiden name or continue association with an ex. Both options are judged and scandalized, yet easily avoidable by keeping a maiden name from the offset. Professionally, the changing of a name – be it in marriage or divorce – becomes extremely complicated. A woman may feel trapped in the name that she has built her career from and fearful that people will no long recognise her. Cheryl Cole serves as an example to such struggle as despite her divorce from Ashley Cole since 2010, she is still strongly associated with his name. People rarely call her Cheryl Fernandes-Visini, her newer but now ex-husband’s name, or Cheryl, her official artist name and it is even more rare that people would refer to her as Cheryl Tweedy, her maiden name or her ‘original self’. Over the last few decades’ women are beginning to rebel against this social conformity that has been the norm for so many years. Studies also show it is mostly younger women and those who are highly educated who take agency and remain with their own name. However, still only 20% of British women keep their maiden name in marriage, whilst 5% hyphenate and the rest take their husband’s name. The loss of identity through this patriarchal practice can be damaging and demoralising meaning more women should keep their maiden name when marrying. Callaway, Nina (2020). ‘Changing Your Name When You Get Married’, The Spruce. Accessible at: https://www.thespruce.com/should-you-change-your-name-when-you-get-married-3489799
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Turi5y ago
100% agree. What do we do about the kids' names though...? You can hyphenate for one generation, and then?
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Sofia5y ago
In Spain, women keep their surnames after marriage. This has been the case for centuries. It’s not a perfect system, but people have two surnames on their passport, first their father’s then their mother’s.
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Against
Susyq55y ago
My instinct is to say against because I see more and more children with double barrelled names, taking both. Were this practice to continue then the next generation could potentially have quadruple ones. Many women keep their maiden name(which is most often their father's) professionally but legally take their husband's name for all other purposes. Both husband and wife could agree to take the wife's surname on marriage too. I am unfamiliar whether there is an accepted practice if same sex partners marry? I rather think we are projecting today's thinking on times past, " going from father's property to husband's " could as easily be interpreted as father's protection to husband's To me sharing a name symbolises unity , a sense of belonging together and as a family.
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Mixed
SFRALEY335y ago
I think it depends purely on the couple that is being talked about. And the traditions that those families hold. Some women choose their new husband's last name because there is a bad association with her current last name. Maybe she has a bad relationship with that side of the family and wanted to get rid of her association with it. Personally, I just got married and I have no plans on changing my last name at this moment. But that is due to all the paperwork, the huge pain it would be and there are only two males left that have the same last name as me. Our last name will slowly disappear. So I want to keep it around if I can.
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For
**TL;DR- I definitely agree with this as there shouldn't be so much social pressure for anyone to take anyone's name when getting married. If they want to keep their own name, double barrel, or even make a new one, people should be free to do so.** In the case of a woman taking a mans name, this freedom should definitely exist- as the taking of the husbands name is quite old-fashioned and nobody should feel pressured to uphold this tradition. That said, women should definitely still feel free to take their husband's name if that's what they want! Another reason to consider not taking your husbands name, according to Faye in *Scary Mommy*, is that you are not trying to *be* your husband: > "I don’t strive to become more like him. It’s not my goal to morph into his world, his orbit. Our differences are what make us strong. And one of those differences, inconsequential as it may be, is our names." [1] This is a good point, as marriage should not be about the husband overshadowing the wife; it should be about both parties, two whole people coming together as equals, not two 'halves' becoming one. Women should have a choice when it comes to name-changing after marriage. Yet whether they choose to keep, double-barrel, or take their husband's name, they should not have to face judgement from their peers and society in general, whatever they choose to do. Some feminists attack women for taking their husband's name- yet this is not fair and actually very unfeminist; feminism is about giving women a *choice*- and in this case, the choice whether they want to keep their last name or not. [1] Faye in *Scary Mommy*, March 23, 2016 [https://www.scarymommy.com/name-change-after-marriage/]
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I agree with you. However your position argues strongly that women should have a choice. I believe a relationship based on feminism, is based on equality. So in marriage, a man and woman should discuss their options for names and come to an agreement, rather than the choice being left to a woman. Myself, being a man, I could never get married and have a woman take on my name while leaving her's behind. Even if that is what she wanted due to many of the reasons already listed in "for". We would have to discuss it and then come to an agreement we could both live with.
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For
martair5y ago
I agree with Megan. For example, in Spain, women keep their maiden names, and it's always been like this. I don't understand why women should change their maiden name and use their husbands, basically because it is a primitive tradition. It clearly shows how women are treated as inferior. It's never been an option to reverse the tables. In marriage, both men and women should be treated as equals, and in any case, women should feel the pressure to change their maiden name. Of course, it's a free option, and we should respect it.
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Sofia5y ago
And yet, in Spain, children still have their father's name first and then the mother's on their passport. This is a matter of course and I have heard of no cases where this is reversed. Is that fair? Do the children belong first to their father's family and then their mother's?
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Mixed
Joeg53115y ago
Should be up to her
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Against
Nsoper194y ago
If women don't like it then they shouldn't marry. The whole point of marriage is that the woman becomes part of the man's family and leaves her father's family. The father gives her away at the wedding and the husband takes her into his family. Hence the name change. It's hassle changing one's name, my wife can testify to that, but it is a necessary part of being joined in one family.
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Florg4y ago
Since when was that the point of marriage? And how is that 'necessary' to join a family? What part of changing the letters after your name is necessary in becoming a part of a family?
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Mixed
Linda4y ago
Am caught in an unusual circumstance, on one hand, am expected to keep my relatively unusual maiden name, (simply because it is) but can justify a name change if for example a) my husband has a name that would be economically advantageous to me. Interestingly name lineage does not exist in my family, meaning that my father and I carry a different surname, the only people I share a surname with are my mother and siblings. if the tradition is kept it also means I would never have the same surname as my nieces and nephews. Which makes me want to hang onto my surname for dear life. Not sure what I would do, it's hard enough finding a compatible partner.
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Mixed
Vmilli4y ago
Honestly... Who cares about your name? If a women want to take her husband's name it's ok, if a men want to take his wife's name it's ok, if they don't want to change it's ok... That's simple
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